I shaved every place where you've been boy.
-Blood Roses, Tori Amos
I came home to the sight of a pair of red stilettos at the back of the door. Not mine, I thought.
I go to the kitchen to get a drink and I see a woman wearing my husband's shirt. "Who are you and what the fuck are you doing in my house?" She says her name is Nicole and she's Arthur’s girlfriend.
Oh, really. "And I’m, I'm his," I stutter, finding it hard to say the word "wife."
It all makes sense now. Arthur comes out of the room – our room and sees us, wife and mistress, face to face. He looks really stupid, caught red handed. I’m not angry, not angry at all because I knew all along. He doesn't know that I read the stuff in his phone inbox. I'm not mad but I hate him for looking so stupid, like a lost little child, in front of me and this woman who does not seem to have a clue that Arthur is married to me.
I get my pink Nike sports bag. The groceries are in the car, good for a week or two, I say as I pack.
I walk out of the village in a dream-like manner, and the next thing I know, I’m harassing the guard of the condominium where Robin lives. Manong, I don’t care if he is asleep, call him and tell him that Ruth is here to see him, and if I have to kick your sorry ass for every word you say, I will do so until Robin comes down here and sees me.
***
It’s one in the morning.
Robin comes out of the elevator, disheveled, concern etched on his weary face. A look reminiscent of how he reacted when I told him I’m pregnant and Arthur is the father.
That was college senior year. This disaster is two years in the making.
"Hey, I just thought I'd visit you."
"Oh, Ruth."
He gets my bag and leaves it at the guard's station. We walk out to smoke, and I tell him about Arthur and the woman in my house.
It’s a biting night outside but I don't care because I have a pack of cigarettes and a friend.
"Stay with me," he says softly.
I look at my wedding ring, then lift my head up to see Robin's eyes.
"I should have said yes to you when you asked that of me five years ago.” He leans in for a long, wet kiss.
***
Amidst tangled sheets and entwined bodies, I wake up drenching from a dream of Arthur and the baby girl I lost.
