‘Cause it’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
-Lifehouse, You and Me
The sky was filled with stars the night I said yes. But there was this one that shone the brightest. I went straight to my room the minute I got home, borrowed my little sister Arielle’s blue permanent marker, and wrote our names on our star. Louise and Andrew. Andrew and Louise.
“Will you love me?” Andrew asked.
“Yes,” I said, my heart beating wildly, “yes, I will.”
I play this in my in mind over and over. It’s been a week but I’m still feeling lighthearted.
***
He’d walk me home every night since then, and our star would shine a little brighter each time. The glitter was not meant to last long as I found out months later. Nothing lasts forever. But you know me, being the overly romantic one, I found it hard to just let it lose its glow. I know there are a lot of other stars out there and I can easily pick another one to be our next star. Thing is, I don’t want another star, I want what we have right now.
“Eto na po miss, metal polish. Maswerte po kayo, last na ito,” says Manong Magic Shop
“Manong, kailan po magkakaroon ng dagdag? Dalawa sana bibilhin ko para may reserba.”
“Miss, wala na talaga eh. Di ko alam kung kailan ulit magdedeliber iyung supplier namin ng ganito.”
So I pluck our star out of its cloud cushion and polish it. “There,” I thought, “it’s twinkling again,” and put it back to its spot.
I feel giddy once more and stare at it the whole night.
***
Sometimes the dullness would creep in so quickly I’d have to clean our star after only weeks. Most of the time though, it takes months.
“Hey darling, happy anniversary,” I say over the phone at the stroke of midnight.
“I love you,” Andrew says.
***
“Manong, wala na po ba talagang polish? I really need it, nagtanong na po ako sa iba, out of stock din.”
“Miss, pasensya na, wala talaga eh.”
***
I’m staring at the monitor. I have been staring at it for an hour. I can’t write.
So I tell the boss, “Paolo, it’s late already, I go home alone now, remember? Can I just give this to you tomorrow morning?” (But the truth is I just don’t want to think of anything anymore. Just for tonight.)
“Sure, Louise,” he says, “take care.”
“Bye Paolo, Anthony, Homer,” I say before shutting the door as silently as I could, not wanting to wake the ghosts I see lying down on the floor of the hallway. The dim light flickers with every step I take.
I find my way out of the HSc building, and follow the path I’ve walked through all these years. I remember our starry night a thousand memories ago. I look up at the sky and try to figure out where our star is. I couldn’t see a damn thing. Nothing but the vast darkness.
It’s all black to me now.
